I don’t know about anyone else but I have spent a large amount of time over the last few months feeling ashamed. I have not felt ashamed because I have necessarily done anything wrong but because of the behaviour of some people who look like me.
It has highlighted to me how naïve I am about the world and the way society works. I had always believed that as long as you do your best you can achieve whatever you want. This is where my white privilege is now apparent. I had not realised that the colour of your skin meant that you had to work even harder than I did.
I do not care about the colour of your skin, your religion, your sexuality or how you identify your gender or lack thereof. I am not saying these aspects of your life don’t matter because they all have a role to play in forming you as an individual. The only element that I value in another person is whether or not we have similar values.
So I have felt deep shame about my ignorance and I have been educating myself and during that process the one thing that I have realised is that I will never be able to understand the struggles that black and LGBTQ+ communities have to face on a daily basis.
Do I agree with racism? Absolutely not, it is abhorrent and if I am in a position of witnessing an act of racism in the future, I will do all that I can to bring a stop to it.
I have noticed that there are many forms that racism can take, it is what we consider to be the “little things” which mount up and are inappropriate. I will openly admit that I am defective as the filter that should be in place between my brain and mouth does not function very often. That being said, I am still conscious of the feelings of the person that I am talking to. Something that you may consider is “banter” in the pub with your mates (not so much in the current climate) can be what pushes the other person over the edge.
What about homophobia? Same applies. Within our family we have people who are homosexual and I do not care. It does not change who they are and if you truly care about someone then all you really want is for them to be happy and content. So why does it matter?
I have not been the victim nor have I knowingly witnessed an act of racism. But I have witnessed and, to some degree, been the victim of homophobia. One of my parents is homosexual. I was 12 when they “came out” and became involved with a partner of the same sex. It did not bother me then nor does it cause me any issue now.
What did cause me an issue was the reaction of other people when they found out about the situation at home, particularly at school. I never announced this piece of news at school, not because I was ashamed but because it was not any one else’s business and I could see that my parent was truly happy.
As I have said before, I grew up in a small town and gossip in a small town can be rife. As time passed more and more people cottoned on to the situation and the comments began. I witnessed my parent losing the happiness they had found partly because they felt ashamed and ridiculed. It got to the stage where my parent would not leave the house because they felt like they were being judged by other people in the town.
I wish I could say that I escaped this behaviour but the truth is I didn’t. The children at school would begin asking me questions or making untrue statements due to their own ignorance. Statements such as “so you must be gay as well” or “don’t talk to her, she will turn you gay because…”
Of course I know these statements are completely false. I ignored them for a while but as I saw my parent slipping into a depression as a result of being their true self, I did snap one day. I confronted the imbeciles, asked them what their questions were, answered them, pointed out how utterly ridiculous their questions and statements were and, guess what, they never took aim at me again about homosexuality.
That doesn’t mean they learnt anything from me, I am sure they would have targeted other people and for that I am sorry. I hope that as they have matured they have expanded their minds and have a better understanding of the impact their actions can have on another person.
I was on Instagram the other day and I stumbled across an account which both angered and saddened me. The creator of this account had uploaded a video about the fact that he is still a victim of homophobia, even in this day and age. I wish I could say that it is unbelievable that small minded people still behave this way however, I can’t.
I feel ashamed that these people are still out there in society, people who truly believe that you can target individuals for being true to themselves. All I can say is please stay strong, please continue to fight and to anyone who is witness to such acts, stand beside the individuals receiving the abuse, whoever that may be and help them. I believe that society needs to change, we need to recognise that we need to change and we need to stand with the oppressed to help them be heard.
2020 has been a hard year for everyone. I thought that the pandemic would bring out the best of human nature. I had hope that we would all pull together to support each other. I believed that the communities that we all live in would band together and help each other.
Instead, it appears the pandemic has had the opposite effect. It seems that “community spirit” is dead and buried, like the soldiers who gave their lives to ensure our freedom all those years ago.
It makes me angry that the world is so unfair. I am afraid for my children. I want to do my part to make the world a better place for the future generations of my family. I hope that my children will share my view when they grow up.
This behaviour isn’t limited to adults. Parents are posting in desperation due to regular abuse their child receives from other pupils while they are supposed to be in a safe space. Often there is reference to the parents of the other child refusing to believe that there is an issue. When I see posts like this I know that all they want is for their child to be able to be happy and need the problem to be addressed.
Have these children not seen Bambi? Thumper teaches us all an important lesson which more of us need to heed – “if you cant say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”. Or is that a film that is considered inappropriate for the youth of today? Ok, his mother is killed by hunters but you cannot deny there are some good lessons to be learned.
I am going to state here and now that if anyone ever has any issue with the way my children are treating another child, please tell me. I will not ignore you or shout at you. I will do my best to nip it in the bud. I would like to think that if the role were reversed you would treat me with the same level of respect as I would treat you. The only way to rectify a problem is to address it and do whatever is in your power to change it so that it is no longer a problem.
I live in the Westcountry and there is a vast majority in my area who do not believe that there is a problem with intolerance here. There seems to be an attitude of it not being a problem here. I can assure you there is. I have seen it, I have felt it and I have witnessed the damage that it can do. You have to take responsibility and acknowledge that it needs to change. We need to lead by example.
I know what example I will continue to set for my children and I will take pride in that…how about you?
Mumma Bear Roars 