I don’t know about anyone else but I have noticed that I have a terrible habit of ignoring changes and potential problems until they become impossible to avoid.
I have found since becoming a parent that I spend a lot of my time neglecting myself in one way or another because the children come first. They are important, not me, and they provide a very good distraction from any changes that I may be experiencing.
Anyone who has had a child knows that your body is inevitably different after but how do we know whether the differences are normal or not. I am not talking about mental health here but the physical vessel that we inhabit.
Although I think this is an area of discussion that has vastly improved since I had my children with various podcasts and public figures speaking out about their experiences which, in turn, encourages us to evaluate what is different with our own bodies.
Unfortunately, whenever I have approached my doctor about my own concerns regarding changes I have noticed with my body there seems to be two possible causes and solutions for my physical ailments. The first option is that I have contracted some sort of virus and therefore all I can do is wait for it to pass. The second is that I am struggling with my mental health and suffering with depression or stress so try this medication. It will fix everything.
As a result, whenever I contact the doctors since becoming a mother I am tempted to run a sweepstake with my friends as to which cause I will be provided with this time. It can be good fun but it is also disheartening to feel like the medical professionals are not listening to what you are saying.
As a result I tend to now ignore any changes within my body because I am fed up of being told that anti-depressants are going to cure everything for me. Please do not misunderstand me, I know that for a lot of people they are necessary and helpful, I am not against medication being used by people that need it but I am tired of being told that depression or stress is the cause of my problems.
Whenever I see a doctor they look through my medical history and see that I was prescribed anti-depressants when I was 17 and there seems to be an automatic assumption, because of this past history, that I must be suffering with depression again. I know it may be hard to believe but I remember how I felt when I was 17, I remember the circumstances surrounding me at that age so I know that it is not in any way related to the physical symptoms that I am experiencing now in my thirties.
My situation at 17 was like several storylines from a soap opera wrapped up into one. So many things happened in such a short space of time that you could not make it up.
Within six months of turning 17 I experienced a lot of loss. I failed my AS Levels (I achieved grades but they were too low to progress) and dropped out of college. Two important people who had played a large part in my life died. One of whom was suffering from cancer and the other was very unexpected and sudden. This was followed by an unpleasant incident with a gentleman resulting in the involvement of police and waiting to see whether or not I would need to testify in court. In addition, I fell pregnant and suffered a miscarriage prior to an arranged termination.
It was a scary time. It was a lonely time and unsurprisingly, I think you will agree, my mind was unable to cope with the load. So I was prescribed anti-depressants which certainly helped me in turning my life around.
My situation now is miles removed from the situation I was in then. My life now is simple and although challenging at times, the challenges are fleeting.
I believe that my experiences at 17 provided me with a different perspective. I think that is why I try and find the humour in situations now even if other people do not understand it or find it offensive. To be honest that makes the situation even funnier to me given my life experiences.
An example of my humour being missed occurred this week on the school run. I was stood (socially distanced) with two other parents who, like me, have children in different years groups with a 10-20 minute wait between drop off times. Anyway, one of the parents was saying how they had a hard time the evening before with siblings fighting. We have all been there, I know I have, and they made a comment about saying to their partner that they needed an alcoholic beverage that evening. I know I can relate to that sentiment. The other parent said that if they did that they would be having a drink every night so I said “you should do what I do, I save them up and have a running tally and cash them in so I can have 8 on a Friday night” to which they both seemed to agree disapprovingly, that this was a lot of alcohol.
Most people would have left it at that point. Not me, I continued, “well if you would struggle with that many of the same drink why not mix it up, have a couple of gins, couple of vodkas, wine, pimms whatever” still thinking I was funny. Needless to say, given the awkward silence that followed, I am pretty sure they now have the impression that I am a binge drinking scalliwag, downing vast quantities of alcohol every weekend.
I found the statement funny because in my brain, it is reminiscent of the times in my late teens or early twenties on nights out with friends when the bar tenders would call last orders. I don’t know about you guys, but we would line up as many shots and drinks as possible so we could continue to drink until they escorted us out of the door when they were closing. Fun times! Mind you, this was generally followed by civilised cups of tea and chat back at mine until the small hours to combat any possible hangover the next day.
To me, this social fail on my part is more comical because I do not do that at all. Gosh, what they would think if they knew what I actually do? You see I tally up my well earnt drinks for 6-12 months. I arrange a mini holiday with a family member for four to five days to enable me to cash in my drinks tally and spend the next two to three days recovering. See, I am a responsible parent, I ensure that the children are taken care of before I become a drunken mess for a night (hehehe).
So anyway, I have been ignoring an issue that I have been experiencing and this week it got to a point that I could not ignore it any longer. Unfortunately when something is bothering me my mind always goes to the worst case scenario. I pulled myself together after a gentle nudge from a dear friend and called the doctor surgery to make an appointment, sweepstake up and running in my mind. (If I win, I get a bonus pimms on my next night off) At my doctors surgery now, you need to give the receptionist details about why you would like an appointment which is fine by me.
However, what I had not expected was for the receptionist to say, that will be too long to wait for this particular concern so go online and request an e-consult. She was very nice and helpful, talked me through what I needed to do and said that I would hear from the doctors by 6.30pm the next working day which would more than likely be Monday. I waited until the Friday so I could chalk it up as a win because I had made the phone call and it would move to the back of my mind until the following week.
I also did not expect to receive an email today informing me that it was probably nothing to worry about but the online doctor has taken the liberty of making me a face to face appointment later next week to get things checked out purely based on what I have said in the e-consult request form.
So I am having a little bit of panic and thinking why did you ignore it for so long but also worried about actually going to the surgery because there is global pandemic and sick people go to the doctors with their germs.
This week I have realised that the children give me a purpose that I had never had before and if I do not start to take care of myself better and stand my ground firmly, there will be nothing left but a shell sooner rather than later.
Any tips for improving my lifestyle? As I think I have said in a previous post the doctors recommended reducing my stress levels which is why I no longer “work” I have received and continue to receive, on an ad hoc basis, counselling services from my lovely counsellor. It is now on an as and when basis because he felt, as did I, that I was not in need of regular sessions despite my earlier experiences my mental health overall was in a good place. The door is open for any time that I may be struggling, such as this week, which has proven invaluable to me and I cannot express how grateful I am about that fact that the the door is always open should I begin to feel overwhelmed.
I am just trying to think if there were any other strange or funny situations this week that I can tell you about.
The only other incident that comes to mind is that I compared my children to my dog. I cannot remember exactly how it came up but I remember saying that I recommend that anyone who is thinking about having children get a puppy instead initially. If you make the commitment of adopting a puppy/dog it is very similar to the commitment and dedication that is required for raising children.
In my opinion the only real difference is that dogs are house trained much quicker and learn manners and etiquette quicker than children. The downside is the life expectancy, unless your really unfortunate, tends to be shorter than that of a child but an upside is that as the dog gets older they aren’t going to move out and need to become independent from you in the way that a lot of children will.
When you think about it, the basics are the same whether it is a dog or a child, it is another living being that is dependant on you ensuring that they are loved and taken care of.
For example, I have come to the conclusion that in order for puppy to continue happily with us he will now have to be spoilt rotten, with freshly cooked meals twice a day until the end, whenever that may be. It does not appear to be on the horizon any longer which is a huge relief. Every attempt to return him to “dog” food seems to run the risk of the wake up call I had on Thursday.
Boy: “Mum!! Dog had the diarrhoea”
Mum checks time – 7:15am “Ok, I’ll be there now”
The smell was pretty bad, it hit me at the top of the stairs. I walked downstairs, sleepy eyed, in need of caffeine and with a sense of dread in my stomach, into the front room and check the damage. I had been cleaning up the mess for a few minutes when it dawns on me that I have not seen the boy, which is strange becuase he was the one who had woken me with the news:-
Mum: “Boy where are you?”
Boy: “I am in the downstairs toilet wearing my mask.”
Mum: “why are you wearing your mask?”
Boy: “Mummy, it smells so bad and I am not coming out until you have cleaned it all up.”
Mummy: “OK…”
Boy:- “Can you hurry up though because I really would like my breakfast now. “
And I am going to finish there today. I hope that it has brought a smile to your face and I hope it has given some context to my previous post earlier this week.
Mumma Bear Roars 