Here we are then, it is December which means that it is officially the Christmas season. For many of us this Christmas will be different from previous years. Some of us will not be able to celebrate in the way we would like.
So what I have been up to since my last post? Yes I know, I am late and I have no excuse, so I am just going to tell you what has been happening in my household.
Last weekend I found myself feeling overwhelmed because of the upcoming holiday. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to make Christmas special. The main priority is always the children but, of course, you want to spoil other members of the family as well. Every year it is the same. I always end up stressing myself out because I always feel really unprepared.
Logically, I know that I am as prepared as I can be. I make endless lists and plans of what I am going to do or make for that year. The problem is I always feel like there is never enough time.
As a result, I have spent the past few days preparing and making jams, chutneys and cakes for my family. Every year we make hampers for our loved ones consisting of homemade items and goodies which, thankfully, are usually well received.
So far I have made some jam and I have made a total of 10 small Christmas cakes! I have, however, lost one to the greedy puppy. I had left two cakes on the cooker top this morning whilst I did the school run and when I got home there was only one cake left. Needless to say I was not a happy Mumma Bear and I am now watching the hound like a hawk. He has obviously recovered very well from whatever was ailing him previously and his arthritis evidently is no longer causing him very many mobility issues. At the time of writing the cake does not appear to have had an adverse effect on him yet but I will be remaining vigilant.
On the bright side, that is one less that I need to decorate.
I have also successfully cleaned my kitchen down which was a real state this morning following my weekend of creative endeavours. I won dish jenga. The game that we all play if we are not blessed with a dishwasher. I was so impressed with my efforts that it deserved a solo victory dance/mosh to Iron Maiden.
The boy this week has been practising his sarcasm. Yes, I know it is the lowest form of wit but I was beginning to worry that the “wit gene” had skipped my children.
Unfortunately, I have been the one at the receiving end of his sarcasm. Apparently I have become a nagging mum. That is quite possible given that you have to repeat every request 10 times before it is done. The situation was regarding putting shoes away, I had asked twice already to no avail and on my third request my son looked at me and said:-
“WE KNOW! Why do you keep telling us?”
“Well, because you haven’t done what I asked yet”
“That’s why your my favourite person”
I was like “Aww, I’m your favourite person? How lovely!”
“No…that was sarcasm mummy!”
Ouch…and yet, touché.
The children have also been trying to create their own jokes, they do not comprehend the point of a punch line yet and do not seem to find anything funny other than poo and wee at the moment. I am hoping that will change quickly otherwise we are in for some interesting talk at the table on Christmas day.
In my last post I wrote about my plans for the next few months. Since writing this, I have begun to feel guilty. I have a consultation at my local hairdressers tomorrow to restyle my hair because it has not been touched by a professional in over 12 months and is in need of a tidy up.
However, as we all know hair cuts are expensive for women. So I can’t help but feel guilty for arranging this treat for myself when I know that the money could be used for something more beneficial for the whole family.
Personally, I do not think I am very good at self care as in, spending time and money on myself. I do not know why because we all need and deserve time for ourselves. A hair cut is a basic element of this right?
The other reason I am feeling guilty is because I know what I want to do with my hair and I know it is going to be a big change which I will be very happy with. What if my children are not happy? What if my children receive criticism about Mummy’s new hair from their peers? I choose how I want to express and enjoy myself but I would be selfish if my children end up being targeted as a result right?
Maybe I am just looking for excuses to stay as I am because it is safer to stay hidden. I am aware that I cannot hide my true self forever but maybe I should carry on as I am for a few more years. Just until the children are old enough to let any criticism roll of their backs or respond appropriately.
I cannot do that though. I need to pull my big girl pants up and deal with the consequences as and when they come up. I cannot waste any more of my time saying “what if”. In my opinion, that question is the route of all regrets in life and it has the power to haunt you for a very long time. I refuse to allow that question to haunt me any longer.
2020 has been a shocker for all of us. If I do not put “what ifs” in the bin, where they belong, now then I never will.
Mumma Bear Roars 