I am beginning to think I am becoming stranger as time passes. Except I have always been strange, but now I am allowing myself to enjoy myself in public. It is much better than being the unapproachable mum with permanent resting bitch face in the playground.
Now I am the crazy mum playing with my child. It may look strange because said child is on my back pretending to be a horse rider, of course, I am the galloping horse. Some times the child wishes to be a horse as well in which case we pretend that we are race horses.
Alternatively I may be spinning my child in a circle or skipping or practicing our silly walks. I am loving it. It feels like we have been spending so much time laughing, that the atmosphere once we get to the car is lighter and it enables us to have a better quality of conversation, for me anyway.
It is the last week of term this week and we all know Christmas is approaching. Today we were singing Christmas songs on the way back to the car. I say we, but to be honest my daughter and I were singing, while my son was covering his ears trying to put as much distance as he could between us and him.
Afterwards I was trying to think of what songs could we sing tomorrow. Suddenly I found myself thinking about the rules and restrictions. Are we even allowed to sing outside with our masks on if we are at a safe distance from other people?
I seem to spend a lot of my time apologising on my posts and I would like to provide you with a reason. My mind seems to be thinking at 100mph most of the time and it jumps from one thought to another without any obvious link between the two subjects. It does this in conversation too which can prove confusing for the other party as you can imagine. When I write, it is my way of allowing my brain to process my thoughts to make space for new thoughts. You may have noticed that there are similar thoughts or themes with my posts. That is because I write a fraction of the thought to enable it to evolve and develop a better understanding.
I know I need to find a better way and improve my technique which I will but in the meantime your patience is much appreciated. So thank you.
I am so glad that it is the last week of term. I am really looking forward to having a break from the tedium that is the school run. With the guidelines that are in place it is a lot of waiting between the times between the two children. That does not mean that I am not grateful to the school for putting measures in place in an attempt to keep us all safe and ensure that my children can still attend. I do not believe I would survive another dose of homeschooling.
Preparations are well underway in terms of Christmas gifts for family and friends. Nothing exciting to report on that front. That being said I do want to get as much as possible finished and packaged this week. I know if I am not successful before the kids finish school, then I have two chances of getting them finished on time. One is slim and the other is F*** all! No pressure hey.
I am feeling anxious this week. For me, this is natural. I spend a lot of time thinking about what to give people and hope that it will be appreciated as I am sure we all do.
I know what the main cause of my anxiety is this week and for once, it is not in any way related to the children. Its a busy week ahead. I have an appointment at the hairdressers on Wednesday. I am excited but I am nervous about the end result. If I do not like it the only person to blame will be myself.
Mildred (my car) is going to the garage this week for her annual MOT check. There is not any reason to be worried about this, she is the newest car I have ever owned and I am sure she will sail through as she has done in previous years, unlike Maud. She has a long way to go before she will be ready for an MOT.
As you know if you have read previous posts we have been redecorating our hallway and this will finally be finished on Friday once the new carpet on the stairs and landing is laid. As far as I know this is still going ahead, I have not heard anything to the contrary and I am excited to see the finished product.
I am glad that it is going to be a busy week because that will limit the amount of time that I have to reflect on my thoughts. At this time of year I often find myself thinking about loved ones that we have lost over the years.
It is good to think of them. In my opinion it is also good to reflect on your achievements and failures. How else do we learn new approaches to try and succeed. However, it is very easy to become trapped in a downward spiral if you are not careful.
In my experience, by keeping myself busy it prevents me from falling in to the various traps that can be found within reflection. My children are my saviours at this time of year. I can think of my loved ones, achievements and failures. I can pay my respects but there are two people who are relying on my husband and I to ensure that their day is full of happiness and magic.
This year has been a tough one and I know that there will be many families whose Christmas will never be the same as it once was. I am thinking of you also. It is ok to miss them, but please know that over time it will become easier. The hole will never be filled but over time I believe we find a way to carry on, acknowledging the hole but not allowing it to consume us completely.
If you have lost someone, do not feel that you have to bear the pain alone. There will be people around you that I am sure will be willing to help carry the weight for you if you want. All you need to do is reach out in some way, whether that be a phone call, text, or even carrier pigeon if you feel so inclined.
We will be thinking of you and if you need us, all you need to do is shout. Simple right? Except it isn’t. None of us have the same reactions or experiences with grief. It is unique to each and everyone of us. What helps one person may not help someone else and that is fine. There are no rules. All that we can do is listen and respect the individual affected.
In case you have not realised, there is no such thing as normal on this blog. There is no one size fits all plaster when it comes to our wellbeing. We are each unique and therefore the support and assistance that we need has to be tailored and, in my opinion, we should all be open and available to listen to a person in need.
You never know the impact a small act of kindness and compassion could have on another persons life for some, it could be the difference between life and death.
All in all there is a wide range of subjects coming up that I am hoping to write about. All sorts of issues, experiences, feelings and projects (looking at you Maud)that I want to share. So I hope that you will continue on this journey of self discovery with me and share my joy, as well as my tears, as I continue trying to decipher my road map of life.
Mumma Bear Roars 