I am in a good mood today. I have been to a local salon and treated myself to a cut and colour. I am loving it! There is a difference in the colours that have been used but it is subtle.
So it might not be as in your face as I had originally considered but this is better and I already feel much more confident about my appearance than I did before.
I could say that prior to lockdown I regularly had my hair cut professionally but that would be a lie. The last time that my hair was cut by a professional was in September 2019.
Why has it been so long? Is this because of the pandemic? Honestly, no. There are a few reasons. The first is time. I simply do not make the time in my days to pamper myself. The second is the expense. We all know as women that it can be expensive to treat ourselves to a haircut. The third and overall reason is guilt.
I find myself feeling guilty as I sit here typing this post about the fact that I have taken the time out to have my hair done today. I feel guilty about the cost even though, in my opinion, it was worth every single penny. Does anyone else feel this way?
Basically, I am tight when it comes to spending money on myself. I am not comfortable spending money on luxuries such as clothes, manicures or massages. I really do benefit from massages as my horse activities and profession have left me with some back issues.
This was highlighted today when my hairdresser had to keep readjusting my head so that it was straight, it has become apparent that I am constantly wonky and need some work to straighten myself out. I will add it to the list.
So effectively when I do take some time out or spend money for my own benefit I feel guilty. Its a niggling feeling about what the money should be used for, such as what the kids may need. Just to clarify the kids do not need anything, there is always food, water, clean clothes and a warm house for them to enjoy.
Why does it matter if I take a couple of hours out to spoil myself. Truthfully it doesn’t matter. Nothing is being cut out or missed to enable me to have my hair cut. It makes absolutely no difference or impact on their lives at all. There is no reason to feel guilty at all and yet I cannot stop berating myself. That is until I catch sight of myself in a reflective surface and remind myself that I look much better than I did and therefore feel happier in my skin as a result.
The past year has been testing for everyone and today I sat back and observed a working salon. I felt really safe and I still do not understand why it was deemed necessary for these establishments to remain closed for so long.
It was truly humbling connecting with my hairdresser. It highlighted to me that you never truly know what is happening behind the scenes of someone’s life. She is a consummate professional with a smile fixed in place engaging in small talk with the clientele as were the rest of the staff.
I witnessed them dealing with phone calls, hair styling and handling other members of the public who had mixed up their dates or for whatever reason ignored the directions that had been posted outside advising people that they needed to wait outside until they were called. It is not an ideal situation, particularly in the winter, but they all handled themselves with grace and understanding despite the circumstances.
It was refreshing to see someone as excited as I was about my hair. When I first arrived I was rather nervous and very nearly changed my mind but her excitement was the only infectious element in the place. I am very grateful for this. Her energy gave me the courage to go ahead with my original plan and forget any guilt that I may have been feeling.
So all in all it was a lovely experience which has given me a confidence boost and a fresh spring in my step. My hair, coupled with the manicure I gave myself last night have made me happy and my daughter in particular is loving it. Obviously because I do my nails myself they are not half as good as they could be but from a distance they look amazing.
I have learnt a couple of lessons today which I have ignored for far too long. The main lesson is that I have not been selfish by spending this time and money on myself. It is worse not to take time out for yourself because it does not give you a chance to refill the tank. I need to stop being so hard on myself or making myself make do with what I have, within reason.
As an example of me making do to highlight the point here is a confession for you. Last week I was dressed in my standard combo of an old pair of jeans and a jumper. Just before it was time to pick the children up from school, I bent down and heard a rip from the lower part of my body. The bum of my jeans split open exposing my underwear and my cellulite on the back of my thigh.
Fortunately my husband was home from work. Unfortunately his car was out of action. I did not have time to change so I put on a long frock coat and we went together to collect the children.
I drove us to the school but I made him get out to go and stand in the playground. I am not that brave. A strong gust of wind and everyone would have seen my granny pants. Once you have had children and reach a certain age comfort is the top priority rather than appearance.
Later that evening when I was getting ready for bed I noticed that not only had my jeans ripped, but my jumper also had a large hole in the arm. I am not a seamstress so needless to say both items of clothing are now in the bin. This experience did make me think about whether it may be time to update my wardrobe to prevent a similar situation occurring in public.
I’m pretty sure that this and the majority of the other tasks on my list for self improvement can wait until the new year though. As you can probably tell from the picture it is rather vast. Ha!
Mumma Bear Roars 