The Role of the Grandparents

I have spent a lot of time during the past 12 months thinking about the important role that grandparents play in the lives of our children. During the previous lockdowns it became apparent to me that my children craved this contact and vice versa.

In my experience watching this relationship develop can be bittersweet. For example, when I watch my children with their grandparents I notice that their relationship is different to mine. One thing that I notice is that it is a more tactile relationship. My children seem to spend a lot of the time that they have with their Nanna/Nanny cuddling and snuggling.

During lockdown the children miss out on that quality time with an adult. I am aware that I am the reason for this. I do not take as much time out of my day to cuddle with them simply because there are not enough hours in the day to do all of the other things that need to be done. Of course I cuddle and comfort children but I cannot curl up on the sofa with them and watch a film.

We have had a lot of tears since the start of the most recent lockdown. There have been various triggers, mainly my face I think, but it is inevitably due to missing someone. Whether it is a friend, family members or a pet the tears flow and nothing I say can stop them.

The children are older and they have an understanding of what lockdown means. They have faced homeschooling before and we all know that even when lockdown is eased there are still restrictions. They have not had the quality time with their grandparents that they’re used to, in nearly twelve months and they are struggling.

I am scared that by the time we are able to hug other family members the children will be full of fear. My son in particular is very conscious about the spread of germs and my daughter whilst at school washed her hands so much that her skin was red raw and cracking.

Is it possible that when they can spend time with these important people who play a large role in their lives, the children will no longer want to cuddle because they are terrified of causing them to become ill? How do you combat that? How do we make sure that the balance is right? I know that I have instilled in my children that it is important that we follow the rules. To succeed in life there are rules that we need to follow whether they are set by school, work places or society.

We follow the rules, we do as we are advised and life will resume. Except it hasn’t. Instead, the rules keep changing and the direction changes so quickly that even I as an adult feel like I am sat poised in a slingshot. So how must it feel for my children.

Last week they went to bed excited to return to school and spend time with their class mates and by the time they woke up they were stuck with teacher Mummy and the possibility of speaking to their friends via a screen.

During normal circumstances does anyone else worry about leaving a grandparent unsupervised for too long with the children? I do! Not because they are a danger to the children but I worry that if they are left to their own devices they may well bankrupt themselves. I have known the children to spend a day with one of the grandparents and return home with new clothes, an array of toys, novelty hairbrushes, sweets, train sets or models not including the trip to a theme park and standard food for the day.

I am told that is part of the pleasure of grandchildren. You can do all of these things that you are not able to do as a parent because you only have a limited amount of time with them so, if the children want ice cream for breakfast, of course darling, it’s still dairy.

However, in my experience, there are times that grandparents can be more of a hinderance than a help. There have been many occasions where a lack of manners has been ignored or I have tried to stop a behaviour and a grandparent has said it’s fine, they are kids, leave them be, they are having fun. It can be infuriating at times but there is a flip side. Sometimes a grandparent will say no or reprimand them. On the occasions when that happens it bears much more weight than it would if I did it.

All in all I feel that this relationship is vital. It provides an extra level of encouragement and indulgence that we, as parents, simply cannot. Grandparents share their passions and will provide as much as they can to develop and nurture that passion. Even if that means spending every possible moment at model railways, traction engine shows, doing crafts, listening to them read or attending dance show after dance show.

For me they have proved to be an invaluable source of support, particularly when I have struggled. They have been there cheering me on, building my confidence and supporting my husband and I every step of the way.

There are no words to express the gratitude and love that I feel for these figures in our lives. All I can say is that I would be lost without their guidance.