Lets Have Another Go!

Here we are again. Lets give this another go shall we?

I have come to decision that I am going to move in a slightly different direction with this blog as a whole. As my children are growing older it is becoming increasingly harder to write about my journey as a mother. They will still feature because they are the main focus in my life, however, they are no longer my sole focus. As they grow and mature there is time for me to rediscover who I am as an individual rather than being defined by a specific role I fulfil.

The eldest has now started secondary school and as a result is taking more personal responsibility for his time. The girl is in her last year of primary school, therefore, she is beginning to follow in her brothers footsteps relating to her time management. That leaves me with some spare time to think.

I am still playing rugby with the Valkyries however, my focus has changed slightly. I am trying to become involved with the juniors girls sections of the club helping with coaching. I am booked on to some RFU courses in the coming months which I am hoping will help my confidence. The coaches involved with the girls seem happy to have me their to assist which is nice.

I wish I could say the same with the boys. I have experienced some strange interactions which have left me questioning whether my presence is a problem. I cannot decide whether it is a communication issue between us or whether it is due to my gender.

I am notorious for overthinking situations. I am aware of this flaw, hence the courses to expand my knowledge. It does feel like I need to prove myself to these people. I wish I knew how to do it.

I can play the game. Maybe they could come and watch a home game so that they can see for themselves? For that to work I need to play a decent amount of time and I am not sure that my basic skillset of catch and run will cut it. Maybe I could show them by presenting some skill zone and game zone ideas that we can try during training sessions? For that approach to work I need them to engage with me.

In my limited experience the males approach to a training session is to rock up with various ideas, take control and make it happen. If their plan doesn’t work the first time, then lets just flog it until it sticks. Even if that means the session is wasted. Any suggestion of a tweak or an adjustment is normally ignored or point blank refused. It certainly is interesting.

On the flip side, they may have a point. I am inexperienced and just because I play, does not mean that I will be capable of coaching. We have different approaches and it is possible that my approach or views are incorrect.

I hope the attitude is connected to my lack of experience rather than my gender. As the season progresses I am hopeful that it will improve and we can begin to work better as a team to maximise the potential of the players that we have in our group. Only time will tell on that score.

Here is where it gets tricky for me juggling coaching and playing. There is a conflict and it is fair to say this is due to the gender of the players. As it currently stands senior men’s games are played on Saturdays. Traditionally, Sundays were then used for coaching or assisting with the juniors games and training sessions. This means the junior boys have the opportunity to watch the senior games. It is a good example of the “monkey see monkey do” theory.

Unfortunately, the girls do not get very many opportunities to see or assist the women’s team in the same way due to their training and games taking place on Sunday afternoons, the same time as the women’s games. It also means that the senior women players do not get much opportunity to be involved with the girls either. Effectively, in order to be consistently available to assist with the girls section I have to choose whether I continue as a player or a coach.

It seems unfair but it is understandable. The woman’s game is growing but it is nowhere near the level that the men’s game is. In comparison the woman’s game is still in its infancy really and the attitudes surrounding the women’s game is very entrenched. The Red Roses and the television coverage of international women’s games that is available is making a difference, however, in terms of the game at the grassroots level there are still a lot of obstacles to overcome.

The main obstacles, in my opinion, are childcare for those of us that have children, representation and the opportunity to interact and learn from the woman’s team for the girls and general club support for their respective woman’s team. I am incredibly lucky to be involved in a team that is in receipt of a lot of club support, the club are even trying to come up with solutions to tackle the time clashes of games and training, alas, to no avail thus far. Nonetheless it is known, it is seen and it is appreciated.

That leaves us with the childcare obstacle. Again, I am lucky because my husband is very supportive of me regarding my rugby journey, whether it be coaching or playing but I am sure there are plenty of teams out there who are struggling as a result of childcare arrangements. One team in our league has already withdrawn this season and from what I have seen they are not the only team who are struggling to obtain a full squad to play on Sundays.

I think it is unfair to lay this solely at the feet of men. There can be several reasons that occur. I can think of two specific reasons relating to my own children that would resulting me bailing on my team at the last minute. The first would be if my child was injured themselves at a training session or playing with their respective teams. The other would be if either of them came down with an illness. Don’t get me wrong, I would be annoyed at myself for choosing them, however, I know that I could not handle the mum guilt that would kick in if I made a different choice.

I am certain that unless you are a parent, specifically a mother, you cannot possibly understand that. The reason I say that this is specific to mothers is because the male and female brains work differently. At least in my experience having been in a relationship with the same man for the past twenty years.

Either way, there are many plans in the pipe line which I will keep you posted about.